Erasers And Technology: An Unholy Union
September 29th 2006 08:12
A few days ago, I was buying some pencils from a stationery shop when I saw what, to my untrained eyes, appeared to be either hi-tech communication devices or alien anal probes. Upon closer inspection, however, I saw that I was mistaken. It didn’t look anything like an anal probe, but it did appear to be intimidating. I looked at the packet and read “Battery-Powered Eraser”.
Wow, I never knew such a thing existed. Call me a traditionalist, but isn’t this thing kinda, I dunno, stupid? Back when I was a kid, the erasers I used were the manual kind. You know what I’m talking about, the ones you rub across the paper using your own hands and looked like candy. Is this truly the dawn of the Rise of the Machines? Or are we just getting lazier?
OK, maybe there’s a reasonable explanation why these doggone things were invented in the first place. I myself can think of a few. First, it’s probably because of OH&S concerns. The hazard: repetitive hand movements. The risk: carpal tunnel syndrome. The control: ta-dah! However, I have a problem with this reasoning. You can only get that kind of injury at work when you erase all day, every day. Since I don’t think there is a job title called “Rub-out Officer” or “Executive Graphite Eliminator”, this must mean you make a lot of mistakes in your work, in which case CTS isn’t a problem. Getting sacked is. Plus, with the amount of rubber dust you’re producing, you should be considered a health hazard yourself. Also, I firmly believe that the only workers who should get this type of injury in the line of duty are sex line operators and hookers.
Another possible reason why these gadgets are being produced is that parents are concerned about their children mistaking office supplies for nourishment. I can totally understand their concern. Heck, I’ve licked my fair share of scented rubber when I was just a wee lad (and, no, it’s not a double entendre, you perverts). Luckily, I never swallow (now THAT was a double entendre). However, even with this sophisticated piece of machinery, you wouldn’t be able to completely eliminate the hazard of accidental choking. True, the rubber is attached to this big-ass contraption, but what about the spare refills? Little tykes would still be able to chow those suckers down. A more feasible solution would be to stop making erasers that look, smell, and taste like Skittles. Instead, make them so big, the only way for kids to eat them is to unhinge their jaws. Also, make erasers that look, smell, and taste like fresh manure. That should teach the little bastards… I mean darlings, little darling angels.
Battery powered erasers are said to help professionals like engineers, architects, and draftsmen. They do all sorts of small scale drawings and sketches, and these often require fine detail. I wouldn’t want to live in a house where one of the posts was accidentally erased in the blueprint by an architect with clumsy fingers. I believe, however, that good structures do not necessarily require hi-tech design equipment. The Pyramids of Giza: still standing. The Stonehenge: still standing. The Circus Maximus: still standing. The Leaning Tower of Pisa… OK, bad example. The point is, you don’t need fancy schmancy erasers to construct wondrous structures. You only need the awesome power of the indomitable human spirit. Oh, and slaves. You gotta have lots of slaves.
Of course, battery powered and electrical erasers may have been designed with females as the target demographic. All those lonely nights, when you're feeling a bit randy…
...and you're writing in your diary just how you have an itch that needs to be scratched. What if you misspell something? You'll definitely need an eraser.
Or you can just, y'know, use it as a vibrator.
*Images used are for for review and commentary purposes only. All images are from amazon.com.
OK, maybe there’s a reasonable explanation why these doggone things were invented in the first place. I myself can think of a few. First, it’s probably because of OH&S concerns. The hazard: repetitive hand movements. The risk: carpal tunnel syndrome. The control: ta-dah! However, I have a problem with this reasoning. You can only get that kind of injury at work when you erase all day, every day. Since I don’t think there is a job title called “Rub-out Officer” or “Executive Graphite Eliminator”, this must mean you make a lot of mistakes in your work, in which case CTS isn’t a problem. Getting sacked is. Plus, with the amount of rubber dust you’re producing, you should be considered a health hazard yourself. Also, I firmly believe that the only workers who should get this type of injury in the line of duty are sex line operators and hookers.
Another possible reason why these gadgets are being produced is that parents are concerned about their children mistaking office supplies for nourishment. I can totally understand their concern. Heck, I’ve licked my fair share of scented rubber when I was just a wee lad (and, no, it’s not a double entendre, you perverts). Luckily, I never swallow (now THAT was a double entendre). However, even with this sophisticated piece of machinery, you wouldn’t be able to completely eliminate the hazard of accidental choking. True, the rubber is attached to this big-ass contraption, but what about the spare refills? Little tykes would still be able to chow those suckers down. A more feasible solution would be to stop making erasers that look, smell, and taste like Skittles. Instead, make them so big, the only way for kids to eat them is to unhinge their jaws. Also, make erasers that look, smell, and taste like fresh manure. That should teach the little bastards… I mean darlings, little darling angels.
Battery powered erasers are said to help professionals like engineers, architects, and draftsmen. They do all sorts of small scale drawings and sketches, and these often require fine detail. I wouldn’t want to live in a house where one of the posts was accidentally erased in the blueprint by an architect with clumsy fingers. I believe, however, that good structures do not necessarily require hi-tech design equipment. The Pyramids of Giza: still standing. The Stonehenge: still standing. The Circus Maximus: still standing. The Leaning Tower of Pisa… OK, bad example. The point is, you don’t need fancy schmancy erasers to construct wondrous structures. You only need the awesome power of the indomitable human spirit. Oh, and slaves. You gotta have lots of slaves.
Of course, battery powered and electrical erasers may have been designed with females as the target demographic. All those lonely nights, when you're feeling a bit randy…
...and you're writing in your diary just how you have an itch that needs to be scratched. What if you misspell something? You'll definitely need an eraser.
Or you can just, y'know, use it as a vibrator.
*Images used are for for review and commentary purposes only. All images are from amazon.com.
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