My Kingdom for a Horse: Another Top Ten List
October 28th 2006 05:18
The Spring Carnival is in full swing once again in Melbourne. Of course, I could make a wisecrack on how the fillies and stallions are out in full glory, and that the horses don’t look bad either, but I won’t. Every newspaper columnist in the country who thought they were so witty when they wrote that should die a horrible death, preferably one involving enraged equines and flying hooves. Anyway, the Cox Plate is on today, and I really should give a damn except: 1) I know jack about horse racing, and 2) “Cox Plate” reminds me of a sausage appetizer. What I decided to do, instead, was compile a list of the ten most notable horses in history, literature, and entertainment. It’s also an easy way to make a post without thinking too much.
Mr. Ed:
A horse is a horse, of course, of course… Unless, of course, that horse was eating peanut butter to make it look like he was talking. How true this legend is, I have no idea. I do know that if you ask George Bush to hold a book right-side up, it will look like he was intelligent.
Pegasus: I know he’s a mythical horse, but you can’t argue with his fame. Heck, he’s got his own constellation. His image also appears everywhere: in the Reader’s Digest logo, the Exxon Mobil logo, and in a classy girly bar in the Philippines. Not that I would know anything much about it. *cough cough*
Wooden Greek horse:
Again, not a real horse, but c’mon, do you know any other horse who would allow an army of Greeks to crawl out of his ass? Hmmm, I wonder if that’s where the term “to go Greek” came from. Anyway, this is one horse that can brag about literally winning the war for its side.
Bucephalus: He was the mount of Alexander the Great and, after he died, a city was founded in his honor. Wow, he must have been one heckuva horse to deserve a city. Most horses just get a trip to the glue factory. After Alexander was shown, the horse that portrayed Bucephalus reportedly said, “Colin Farrell rode me and people were filming it. Eat your heart out, Nicole Narain.”
The horse that Lady Godiva rode on:
Sure, its rider is more famous, but without the horse, Lady Godiva would have had to resort to other forms of transport. “Lady Godiva rode naked through the town” sounds better than “Lady Godiva cycled naked through the town”.
Silver: “Hi ho Silver, away!” One of the coolest catchphrases ever made was dedicated to this horse. OK, maybe not “dedicated” since it was more of a command, but at least his name is forever immortalized in one of the Lone Ranger’s two battle cries. The other one was “Tonto, stop those bullets with your body!”
Black Beauty: The hero and title character of Anna Sewell’s novel. I don’t know much about him (her?) as I haven’t read the story yet. The only reason he (she?) is on the list is because Black Beauty is a classic.
The horse with no name: The horse doesn’t have a name, yet it is the title of a song. That is so cool. Of course, “A Horse With No Name” is a better song title than “Some Random Horse”, “What Am I Riding On?”, and “If I Don’t Find Some Food in This Desert Soon, This Horse is Lunch”.
Man O’ War: A list compiled on a race day is not complete without a racehorse. Arguably the most famous racehorse besides Secretariat, his name evokes images of the swift and fearsome Spanish armada. He died from the sting of a sea creature while vacationing in Portugal. Thus, he lent his name to one of the most venomous animals on Earth. And if you believed that, here’s some other news: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and WMDs have been found in Iraq.
Camilla Parker-Bowles:
Prince Charles is a polo player, after all.
This list is by no means comprehensive. A lot of other famous horses were left out for several reasons. Quick Draw McGraw will always be in the shadow of Yogi Bear, Fred Flintstone, and Scooby-Doo. Secretariat is a relative newcomer in the pages of history. Phar Lap is well-known only in Australia and among racing aficionados. Seabiscuit only became a part of pop culture when Spider-man rode him. The horses from Animal Farm aren’t as charismatic or memorable as the pigs. Except for those who actually watched the TV show, nobody remembers the names of the ponies from My Little Pony.
This list is just about what I believe are the equines most recognized by the general public. All those not in favor, say “Neigh.” Oooh, bad pun.
*Images are used for review and commentary purposes only. Prince Charles image from paulgillisphoto.com. All other images from Wikipedia.
Mr. Ed:
Pegasus: I know he’s a mythical horse, but you can’t argue with his fame. Heck, he’s got his own constellation. His image also appears everywhere: in the Reader’s Digest logo, the Exxon Mobil logo, and in a classy girly bar in the Philippines. Not that I would know anything much about it. *cough cough*
Wooden Greek horse:
Bucephalus: He was the mount of Alexander the Great and, after he died, a city was founded in his honor. Wow, he must have been one heckuva horse to deserve a city. Most horses just get a trip to the glue factory. After Alexander was shown, the horse that portrayed Bucephalus reportedly said, “Colin Farrell rode me and people were filming it. Eat your heart out, Nicole Narain.”
The horse that Lady Godiva rode on:
Silver: “Hi ho Silver, away!” One of the coolest catchphrases ever made was dedicated to this horse. OK, maybe not “dedicated” since it was more of a command, but at least his name is forever immortalized in one of the Lone Ranger’s two battle cries. The other one was “Tonto, stop those bullets with your body!”
Black Beauty: The hero and title character of Anna Sewell’s novel. I don’t know much about him (her?) as I haven’t read the story yet. The only reason he (she?) is on the list is because Black Beauty is a classic.
The horse with no name: The horse doesn’t have a name, yet it is the title of a song. That is so cool. Of course, “A Horse With No Name” is a better song title than “Some Random Horse”, “What Am I Riding On?”, and “If I Don’t Find Some Food in This Desert Soon, This Horse is Lunch”.
Man O’ War: A list compiled on a race day is not complete without a racehorse. Arguably the most famous racehorse besides Secretariat, his name evokes images of the swift and fearsome Spanish armada. He died from the sting of a sea creature while vacationing in Portugal. Thus, he lent his name to one of the most venomous animals on Earth. And if you believed that, here’s some other news: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and WMDs have been found in Iraq.
Camilla Parker-Bowles:
Prince Charles riding his favorite nag
This list is by no means comprehensive. A lot of other famous horses were left out for several reasons. Quick Draw McGraw will always be in the shadow of Yogi Bear, Fred Flintstone, and Scooby-Doo. Secretariat is a relative newcomer in the pages of history. Phar Lap is well-known only in Australia and among racing aficionados. Seabiscuit only became a part of pop culture when Spider-man rode him. The horses from Animal Farm aren’t as charismatic or memorable as the pigs. Except for those who actually watched the TV show, nobody remembers the names of the ponies from My Little Pony.
This list is just about what I believe are the equines most recognized by the general public. All those not in favor, say “Neigh.” Oooh, bad pun.
*Images are used for review and commentary purposes only. Prince Charles image from paulgillisphoto.com. All other images from Wikipedia.
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