Dr. House, Meet Dr. Cox (Part 2)
November 23rd 2006 01:48
ROUND 4: Again, bedside meeting for the Scrubs team.
“I think I know what’s on our patient’s face,” reports JD. “I thought it was fungal growth at first, but at a certain angle, it suddenly came to me. Make-up! More specifically, Avon True Color Blush Compact Classic Aura. Boy, she really applied it on thick.” Everyone stares at him and Cox asks, “Why, in the name of all that is holy, do you possess that kind of information?” JD quickly thinks, Uh-oh, busted. You mustn’t let them know that you peruse catalogues of feminine products because you like the smell of the paper. Quick, what’s something vastly different from cosmetics? Penguins! “They waddle like tuxedoed pendulums with feet,” he says wistfully to no one in particular. Weird look from everyone again. Cox says, “Helpful information there, Cassandra, but maybe Old Pegleg has more useful findings. It’s a pretty long shot, of course, but we’re running out of options. Also, I’m getting pretty sick of this place.”
In House’s office, the team is looking at the pictures from the album. These all show a woman in her 30’s posing with different children in various tropical-looking locations. Chase suddenly comes into the room and explains that he cut his vacation short because “some kid on Australian Idol who was singing a song by Ryan Cabrera had the gall to call himself a ‘rocker.’ That was it, mate. My whole holiday was ruined.” Seeing the pictures on the table, he says, “Hey, I know her. Her name’s Naomi Robson. She’s a famous journalist back home.” Suddenly, there is a loud clap of thunder from the heavens. Chase looks sheepishly upwards and says, “She’s a famous TV reporter back home.” Another clap of thunder, but not so loud. “She’s someone on TV.” No thunder. “Great,” says House. “A TV personality. They spout off all sorts of rubbish onscreen but they don’t have the decency to tell us what’s wrong with them. Well, I guess it’s time for a doctor-to-doctor with Moptop.” WINNER: Naomi Robson’s disease
ROUND 5: House goes to Cox’s room with one of the pictures. “This is Naomi Robson, my… OUR Jane Doe. Other than that, I have no other information,” he says. “Well, we’ve also got nada, except we know she wears a LOT of make-up,” replies Cox. JD, who was looking at the picture, suddenly says, “This is a fascinating photo. See, here in the background, you can see the silhouette of a flying bat, but this is no ordinary bat. Based on its size and wing shape, I’m thinking it’s a moss-forest blossom bat, located only in Papua New Guinea.” Cox glowers at him and says, “What are you, some kind of expert on… wait a minute, did you say Papua New Guinea? I think I know what’s wrong with our patient.” A nurse comes into the room and tells Dr. House that his patient has regained consciousness. They all go to her room and begin to ask her questions. “Naomi,” says Cox. “Have you been to England and eaten their beef in the past twenty years?” “No,” replies Naomi. “OK, next question, and be honest now,” says Cox. “Have you ever eaten human flesh, especially from South Pacific tribespeople?” Naomi hides her face in her hands as if weeping, but when she removes her hands, her face resembles a vampire’s, and she begins to sprout bat wings. “Yesss,” she replies. “I have lived for over two hundred yearsss. I retain my youth by consuming the souls of innocent children. Recently, I have feasted on a child, Wah-wah, who I pretended to save from cannibals. The irony is delicious, yesss?” The doctors just shrug their shoulders, and The Todd is faintly heard in the background asking if it was more delicious than “this” and if she wanted a taste. Dr. Cox says, “That’s nice, Naomi. Unfortunately, you have kuru. It was first discovered in cannibals from Papua New Guinea after they have ritually feasted on human brains. It is a rare disease, but very fatal and there is no cure.” Naomi looks around and says, “Eh, what can you do?” Then she turns into a bat and flies out the window. WINNER and CHAMPION: Naomi Robson. God have mercy on us all.
POST-MATCH EVENT: Dr. House and Dr. Cox share a bonding moment by beating up a visiting doctor from Seattle Grace Hospital. Exclamations of “Dr. McDreamy, my ass!” and “Issues with an ex-wife? How original!” are heard from the fracas. After the dust has cleared, the Scrubs team says goodbye and leave. House looks into the distance and says, “He needed an attitude announcement, but he was one good doctor. I like Cox.” The Todd appears out of nowhere and says, “I bet you do. Gay five!” Everyone just ignores him except House, who pummels him with his cane while the credits roll.
*Image is used for review and commentary purposes only. John C. McGinley image from Wikipedia.
ROUND 5: House goes to Cox’s room with one of the pictures. “This is Naomi Robson, my… OUR Jane Doe. Other than that, I have no other information,” he says. “Well, we’ve also got nada, except we know she wears a LOT of make-up,” replies Cox. JD, who was looking at the picture, suddenly says, “This is a fascinating photo. See, here in the background, you can see the silhouette of a flying bat, but this is no ordinary bat. Based on its size and wing shape, I’m thinking it’s a moss-forest blossom bat, located only in Papua New Guinea.” Cox glowers at him and says, “What are you, some kind of expert on… wait a minute, did you say Papua New Guinea? I think I know what’s wrong with our patient.” A nurse comes into the room and tells Dr. House that his patient has regained consciousness. They all go to her room and begin to ask her questions. “Naomi,” says Cox. “Have you been to England and eaten their beef in the past twenty years?” “No,” replies Naomi. “OK, next question, and be honest now,” says Cox. “Have you ever eaten human flesh, especially from South Pacific tribespeople?” Naomi hides her face in her hands as if weeping, but when she removes her hands, her face resembles a vampire’s, and she begins to sprout bat wings. “Yesss,” she replies. “I have lived for over two hundred yearsss. I retain my youth by consuming the souls of innocent children. Recently, I have feasted on a child, Wah-wah, who I pretended to save from cannibals. The irony is delicious, yesss?” The doctors just shrug their shoulders, and The Todd is faintly heard in the background asking if it was more delicious than “this” and if she wanted a taste. Dr. Cox says, “That’s nice, Naomi. Unfortunately, you have kuru. It was first discovered in cannibals from Papua New Guinea after they have ritually feasted on human brains. It is a rare disease, but very fatal and there is no cure.” Naomi looks around and says, “Eh, what can you do?” Then she turns into a bat and flies out the window. WINNER and CHAMPION: Naomi Robson. God have mercy on us all.
POST-MATCH EVENT: Dr. House and Dr. Cox share a bonding moment by beating up a visiting doctor from Seattle Grace Hospital. Exclamations of “Dr. McDreamy, my ass!” and “Issues with an ex-wife? How original!” are heard from the fracas. After the dust has cleared, the Scrubs team says goodbye and leave. House looks into the distance and says, “He needed an attitude announcement, but he was one good doctor. I like Cox.” The Todd appears out of nowhere and says, “I bet you do. Gay five!” Everyone just ignores him except House, who pummels him with his cane while the credits roll.
*Image is used for review and commentary purposes only. John C. McGinley image from Wikipedia.
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