The Lost Art of Applause
October 3rd 2006 03:30
The other day, I went to the Royal Melbourne Show. The mood was really festive there because 1) the weather was just beautiful, 2) it was a Sunday so there were a lot of people there, and 3) it was the last day of the show so people were probably taking in as much of the atmosphere while it lasted. Despite the general cheeriness, I realized something: we, as a society, are losing our ability to clap. The situation has become so drastic that, eventually, sea lions would be more evolved than us. Okay, here’s what happened. Those who have no patience for long, meandering, almost-pointless-but-not-quite narratives, read another blog. Now.
I went to see the daredevil/motor show. Normally, I’m not a revhead, but who would turn down the chance to see a monster truck crush some junk cars? With loud roars of its engine, the truck squashed the crap cars beneath its mighty wheels, doing it four or five times in a row. I was whooping my lungs out and clapping like hell because it was the first time I saw a monster truck in action.
That’s when I realized that I was the only one in the general vicinity cheering. The rest of the audience was just staring into the arena as if nothing exciting happened. Fair enough, it did seem a bit lacklustre. There were no exploding windshields because the cars didn’t have any. The cars also weren’t as flattened as I wanted them to be. I was thinking, “OK, maybe these guys are used to something flashier.”
Next act was a father-and-daughter team of aerialists. They performed 30 meters in the air without any harnesses or a safety net. They did acrobatic acts on a pole and trapeze, all while the wind was buffeting them around. When they finally got back on the ground safely and took a bow, we were all applauding. All four of us. Including the kid who was trying to kill a fly with his bare hands. The rest of the people were making some sort of hand gesture that made a collective sound slightly louder than cotton brushing against cashmere. I don’t know what they were doing, but it sure as hell wasn’t applause.
The last act involved motocross riders doing all sorts of tricks on their bikes. I’m not sure what the moves were called, but they sure were impressive.
At the end of their act, naturally I clapped vigorously, but I also looked around to see if anyone else would. Fat chance. Instead, they looked like they were just scratching their palms. At that point, I wanted to shout out, “What the hell is wrong with you people? Do you think that these tricks are easy to do? Why won’t you make some noise? This isn’t a frickin’ golf game! These performers are risking life and limb to give you a spectacle and you can’t even show a little appreciation! Are you not entertained? Is this not why you are here?” I was really channelling Maximus there.
So maybe random destruction and flying bikes were not their cup of tea. Maybe they want, oh, I dunno, romance. OK, fine. It just so happened that there was romance that day, as well. A guy from the audience went up in front dressed as Julius Caesar. Then, in front of hundreds of people and on the big screen, he proposed to his girlfriend, his “Cleopatra”. Yes, it was hokey, and even a bit embarrassing, but I just had to admire his guts. What he did took balls, and I gave him props for that. In movies, if something like this happens, the whole arena would erupt into cheers and everybody would be on their feet. In real life, it was a bit anticlimactic. The applause was lukewarm at best and the people who were seated… well, they stayed seated.
Have we become so jaded that nothing amazes us anymore? Or are we just starting to lose the use of our arms so that, down the evolutionary path, we would eventually look like T-Rex?
I now present this simple step-by-step guide so that, hopefully, the habit of clapping does not become a thing of the past.
STEP ONE: Place hands apart, palms open and facing together. Pretend you’re telling your friends “I once caught a rainbow trout this big,” or “Yup, my penis is this long.”
STEP TWO: Bring hands together at sufficient velocity to produce a sound. It is advisable to do this in a library. If the librarian doesn’t come over to kick your ass, you’re not achieving enough hand speed.
STEP THREE: Repeat the whole process, um, repeatedly. Advanced users may wish to supplement their clapping with affirmative verbal cues such as “Yeah!”, “Wooo!”, or “You go, girl!”
Remember, it is not embarrassing to whoop and clap. However, it IS embarrassing to root and get clap.
*Tyrannosaurus image from Wikipedia.
I went to see the daredevil/motor show. Normally, I’m not a revhead, but who would turn down the chance to see a monster truck crush some junk cars? With loud roars of its engine, the truck squashed the crap cars beneath its mighty wheels, doing it four or five times in a row. I was whooping my lungs out and clapping like hell because it was the first time I saw a monster truck in action.
Can't... look... away... from... bald spot!
Next act was a father-and-daughter team of aerialists. They performed 30 meters in the air without any harnesses or a safety net. They did acrobatic acts on a pole and trapeze, all while the wind was buffeting them around. When they finally got back on the ground safely and took a bow, we were all applauding. All four of us. Including the kid who was trying to kill a fly with his bare hands. The rest of the people were making some sort of hand gesture that made a collective sound slightly louder than cotton brushing against cashmere. I don’t know what they were doing, but it sure as hell wasn’t applause.
The last act involved motocross riders doing all sorts of tricks on their bikes. I’m not sure what the moves were called, but they sure were impressive.
"Oh, crap! My contact lens fell out!"
So maybe random destruction and flying bikes were not their cup of tea. Maybe they want, oh, I dunno, romance. OK, fine. It just so happened that there was romance that day, as well. A guy from the audience went up in front dressed as Julius Caesar. Then, in front of hundreds of people and on the big screen, he proposed to his girlfriend, his “Cleopatra”. Yes, it was hokey, and even a bit embarrassing, but I just had to admire his guts. What he did took balls, and I gave him props for that. In movies, if something like this happens, the whole arena would erupt into cheers and everybody would be on their feet. In real life, it was a bit anticlimactic. The applause was lukewarm at best and the people who were seated… well, they stayed seated.
Have we become so jaded that nothing amazes us anymore? Or are we just starting to lose the use of our arms so that, down the evolutionary path, we would eventually look like T-Rex?
STEP ONE: Place hands apart, palms open and facing together. Pretend you’re telling your friends “I once caught a rainbow trout this big,” or “Yup, my penis is this long.”
STEP TWO: Bring hands together at sufficient velocity to produce a sound. It is advisable to do this in a library. If the librarian doesn’t come over to kick your ass, you’re not achieving enough hand speed.
STEP THREE: Repeat the whole process, um, repeatedly. Advanced users may wish to supplement their clapping with affirmative verbal cues such as “Yeah!”, “Wooo!”, or “You go, girl!”
Remember, it is not embarrassing to whoop and clap. However, it IS embarrassing to root and get clap.
*Tyrannosaurus image from Wikipedia.
| 48 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
