O Brothers, Where Art Thou?
October 6th 2006 04:29
I’ve had it with Channel Nine. I’ve put up with their programming shenanigans for long enough. Changing show times, changing show days, putting on reruns, making shows vanish into the ether without a word of warning… you name it, they’ve done it. This makes me think that those in charge of the program scheduling are either sugar-fueled, hyperactive three-year olds with easy access to crack cocaine or a bunch of attention-deficient monkeys. Hmmm, maybe they’re both. Three-year old monkeys on crack. That’s funny. Anyway, that’s not the point. The point is that people don’t like settling down on their La-Z-Boys with a beer can on one hand and a Doritos pack on the other, eagerly anticipating their favorite TV show, only to find out it’s been replaced by some drivel starring a washed-out, recently-out-of-rehab comedian and a bunch of attractive, but utterly untalented, teenagers hoping to make it in Hollywood. The last straw, for me, came two nights ago. Last week, Channel Nine showed “Band of Brothers”.
This is one of the best TV mini-series ever created. I love war movies, and this show, aside from having a superb cast, also veered away from the stereotypical “America good, others bad” war film mold. The first episode was shown last week, and last Tuesday, I resembled the La-Z-Boy person I was talking about earlier (except I had Pringles instead of Doritos). Ten thirty-five, the H-Hour (that’s military speak for Hour-Hour, the hour which an operation commences). Suddenly, my TV screen flashed the following words: “Shock Docs”. Noooo! How dare they replace my show without informing me beforehand! After letting my blood pressure level drop a bit, I checked the TV guide for next week. Those two accursed words again leapt out at me: “Shock Docs”. What the frick is going on? My theory is that Channel Nine is going to air the show in real-time a la “24”. “Band of Brothers” was set in the Second World War, which took about something like five years. So 10 episodes in five years. That’s 2 episodes per year, or an episode every six months. Wow, talk about “a series of epic proportions”. And you thought “Ben-Hur” was long. The thing is, this isn’t the only time Nine has pissed me off. Here are my other gripes to the geniuses who schedule the programs.
CSI: ‘Nuff said. It makes pretty exciting TV viewing, actually. Not the show itself, mind you, but the Sunday 8:30 timeslot. You never know what you’re gonna get. It’s either an entirely different show, an episode from the previous season, the tail-end of a new episode that started at 8:00, or in extremely rare cases, an actual new episode. It’s the television equivalent of a Kinder Surprise.
LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN: I think Channel Nine took the show’s title literally. Late show, indeed.
Like two o’clock in the morning late. I love Ol’ Snaggletooth. In my book, he’s more hilarious than Leno. But, c’mon, I’m not gonna wait up until early morning for that. Besides, who would still be awake during that time on a weekday? Well, I can think of some people. Night-shift workers would be awake, but they’re working. Insomniacs would be awake, but I think they’d be better off watching Hotdogs do his stupid quiz show to enter a state of unconsciousness. Babies would be awake, but they wouldn’t be able to appreciate the show’s humor. Except when Johnny Knoxville is a guest, perhaps. Plus, they’ll be too busy crying. The parents of the said babies would be awake, but they’ll be checking for crap in the nappies instead of crap on the telly. So that leaves… criminals. At least they’ll have something to watch after stealing your TV.
JUSTICE LEAGUE: I like Justice League. I never quite outgrew it (even if I started watching it at an advanced age). This is a show that was geared towards a younger audience so the folks at Nine, in their infinite wisdom, decided to place it in a timeslot that would ensure maximum exposure to the target audience. They placed it after Letterman. Yes, even later than The Late Show. Kids who are awake at three o’clock in the morning on weekdays either: 1) work on a farm, 2) are worrying about how to feed their families after being a victim of the IR laws, or 3) are babies (see “Letterman” entry). In any case, they shouldn’t be watching cartoons.
THE BATMAN: Another one for the kiddies. Originally 30 minutes long per episode, Nine has chopped it into three 10-minute segments spaced forty-minutes apart. Did you get all that? Neither will the kids. Channel Nine would have shortened their attention-span further. I think the network’s motto should be “More stimuli in less time.”
CELEBRITY SURVIVOR: Will it never end?!
SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS: I’ll just be echoing myself but will it never end?!
A CURRENT AFFAIR: Have you ever met anyone who said their favorite programs were current affair shows? Where do these shows get enough viewers to keep them on the air? At least ACA, in the words of the Chaser team, “sucks less than Today Tonight.”
Who else has an axe to grind against Channel Nine? Maybe I can compile all the comments and send it to Eddie the Boner. Who knows, maybe it’ll distract him from the Magpies long enough to actually let them do their jobs.
*Images are used for review and commentary purposes only. All images are from Wikipedia.
CSI: ‘Nuff said. It makes pretty exciting TV viewing, actually. Not the show itself, mind you, but the Sunday 8:30 timeslot. You never know what you’re gonna get. It’s either an entirely different show, an episode from the previous season, the tail-end of a new episode that started at 8:00, or in extremely rare cases, an actual new episode. It’s the television equivalent of a Kinder Surprise.
LATE SHOW WITH DAVID LETTERMAN: I think Channel Nine took the show’s title literally. Late show, indeed.
JUSTICE LEAGUE: I like Justice League. I never quite outgrew it (even if I started watching it at an advanced age). This is a show that was geared towards a younger audience so the folks at Nine, in their infinite wisdom, decided to place it in a timeslot that would ensure maximum exposure to the target audience. They placed it after Letterman. Yes, even later than The Late Show. Kids who are awake at three o’clock in the morning on weekdays either: 1) work on a farm, 2) are worrying about how to feed their families after being a victim of the IR laws, or 3) are babies (see “Letterman” entry). In any case, they shouldn’t be watching cartoons.
THE BATMAN: Another one for the kiddies. Originally 30 minutes long per episode, Nine has chopped it into three 10-minute segments spaced forty-minutes apart. Did you get all that? Neither will the kids. Channel Nine would have shortened their attention-span further. I think the network’s motto should be “More stimuli in less time.”
CELEBRITY SURVIVOR: Will it never end?!
SURVIVOR: COOK ISLANDS: I’ll just be echoing myself but will it never end?!
A CURRENT AFFAIR: Have you ever met anyone who said their favorite programs were current affair shows? Where do these shows get enough viewers to keep them on the air? At least ACA, in the words of the Chaser team, “sucks less than Today Tonight.”
Who else has an axe to grind against Channel Nine? Maybe I can compile all the comments and send it to Eddie the Boner. Who knows, maybe it’ll distract him from the Magpies long enough to actually let them do their jobs.
*Images are used for review and commentary purposes only. All images are from Wikipedia.
| 83 |
| Vote |
Shared on
Subscribe to this blog
Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Incidentally, I love The West Wing too. I just gave up on watching it mid-season because my ABC reception was crap. *lol* Thank God for DVD.
Comment by gunbie
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by Hellvis
Earache Hotel
Channel 9 consistently top the ratings. I don't understand this but I think it has something to do with sport.
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by anonymous
Had to laugh the other day, on sceen apology for running 30 minutes late cause of cricket, ironically they always run 15 minutes late by 7.30, so the aopoly iteselft was 15 minutes late..making it 45 minutes late.. What is wrong with these dickheads!, advertisers need to take note that viewers are getting pissed off - and I blame the advertisers
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by Anonymous