Expecting a Baby? Here, Have a Cigarette!
October 25th 2006 03:09
“About one in three Melbourne mums-to-be believe smoking to achieve a smaller baby will make their labour easier. The disturbing trend follows news that pregnant UK teenagers take up smoking in the hope of having smaller babies and a less painful childbirth.” (mX, 24 October 2006)
When I first read this, I thought “Hmmm, that makes absolutely perfect sense. Not!”
Now, I won’t pretend to be an expert in childbirth since I haven’t given birth yet and, in all truthfulness, I probably never will (since I’m a guy). In fact, the only childbirth experience I’ve ever had was my own, and I can’t even remember what happened then. Maybe I was drunk or high, I don’t know. I have to take my mother’s word that I came from her womb and didn’t spring from the blood of a Gorgon. The point is, even an idiot like me knows that pregnant women should not smoke. An unborn child is not an extra organ that you can abuse with your vices, like your liver or your lungs. It is another person, and you are responsible for that person’s well-being, if not his/her life.
I hate to make broad generalizations since I’m sure not all mothers-to-be have this dangerous perception. However, there does seem to be a paradigm shift, especially in the recent years, in motherhood. It seems that, more and more, childbirth is becoming less about the child and more about the mother. When I read a few years back that some pregnant women would rather undergo C-section than natural birth because it hurt less, I was taken aback. Didn’t they know that Caesarian deliveries are tricky and C-section babies are more likely to have birth complications? I was only 16 years old back then and I knew that. Why didn’t they? I felt that I needed a mother’s perspective, so I talked to my own mother and a few other moms I knew. It turns out that they pretty much shared my opinion. Evolution (or God, your choice) gave women a birth canal for a purpose. Three guesses what it is. If women were meant to give birth by C-section, they would have a zip-up tummy (their words, not mine). Caesarian deliveries are meant only as an emergency procedure when the life of the child and/or the mother is in danger. In addition, I also learned that, yes, it was true that the pain of childbirth really does give you a special bond with your baby. Flash forward 8 years and I see the same thing: mothers sacrificing their child’s health for their own comfort.
I’m probably going to sound like an insensitive bastard but I would just like to say, if you can’t handle childbirth, then don’t get pregnant. I know, I know. Sometimes accidents just happen, but again, this boils down to one word: responsibility. Take it like a man… er, woman. You don’t smoke cigarettes in the hope that your delivery will be less painful. That is just a stupid, stupid idea. Hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you try some of this crack cocaine and wash it down with some moonshine? That might make your baby smaller because he’ll have no arms and legs, but hey, at least he’ll just slide out, right? Back in the day, pregnant women practically had OCD when it came to their unborn offspring. No strenuous activity, a careful diet, and definitely no cancer sticks. Now, though... I still shake my head in disbelief when I think about all that smoke and nicotine and tar being pumped into the child’s system, in the mistaken belief that smaller offspring produce less painful childbirths. Even if it did, I don’t think any mother, any REAL mother, would deliberately choose to have an underweight, unhealthy baby just so they could say to their friends, “Yup, he just popped out quick and painless. Sure, he looked a bit blue, his limbs were a bit thin, and the doctor could hold him on one hand, but weren’t you listening to me? QUICK AND PAINLESS. You should really try some of these Marlboros.”
I really hope this misguided thinking doesn’t become a global phenomenon. I have a lot of respect for all mothers everywhere, and I hope that the next generation of moms would realize the whole point of motherhood: to bring a child out into the world. It is a selfless act, and blowing secondhand smoke in an innocent child’s face is anything but.
*Image is used for review and commentary purposes only. Image from funnyhub.com.
When I first read this, I thought “Hmmm, that makes absolutely perfect sense. Not!”
My next appearance is on Rove's "What The...?"
I hate to make broad generalizations since I’m sure not all mothers-to-be have this dangerous perception. However, there does seem to be a paradigm shift, especially in the recent years, in motherhood. It seems that, more and more, childbirth is becoming less about the child and more about the mother. When I read a few years back that some pregnant women would rather undergo C-section than natural birth because it hurt less, I was taken aback. Didn’t they know that Caesarian deliveries are tricky and C-section babies are more likely to have birth complications? I was only 16 years old back then and I knew that. Why didn’t they? I felt that I needed a mother’s perspective, so I talked to my own mother and a few other moms I knew. It turns out that they pretty much shared my opinion. Evolution (or God, your choice) gave women a birth canal for a purpose. Three guesses what it is. If women were meant to give birth by C-section, they would have a zip-up tummy (their words, not mine). Caesarian deliveries are meant only as an emergency procedure when the life of the child and/or the mother is in danger. In addition, I also learned that, yes, it was true that the pain of childbirth really does give you a special bond with your baby. Flash forward 8 years and I see the same thing: mothers sacrificing their child’s health for their own comfort.
I’m probably going to sound like an insensitive bastard but I would just like to say, if you can’t handle childbirth, then don’t get pregnant. I know, I know. Sometimes accidents just happen, but again, this boils down to one word: responsibility. Take it like a man… er, woman. You don’t smoke cigarettes in the hope that your delivery will be less painful. That is just a stupid, stupid idea. Hey, while you’re at it, why don’t you try some of this crack cocaine and wash it down with some moonshine? That might make your baby smaller because he’ll have no arms and legs, but hey, at least he’ll just slide out, right? Back in the day, pregnant women practically had OCD when it came to their unborn offspring. No strenuous activity, a careful diet, and definitely no cancer sticks. Now, though... I still shake my head in disbelief when I think about all that smoke and nicotine and tar being pumped into the child’s system, in the mistaken belief that smaller offspring produce less painful childbirths. Even if it did, I don’t think any mother, any REAL mother, would deliberately choose to have an underweight, unhealthy baby just so they could say to their friends, “Yup, he just popped out quick and painless. Sure, he looked a bit blue, his limbs were a bit thin, and the doctor could hold him on one hand, but weren’t you listening to me? QUICK AND PAINLESS. You should really try some of these Marlboros.”
I really hope this misguided thinking doesn’t become a global phenomenon. I have a lot of respect for all mothers everywhere, and I hope that the next generation of moms would realize the whole point of motherhood: to bring a child out into the world. It is a selfless act, and blowing secondhand smoke in an innocent child’s face is anything but.
*Image is used for review and commentary purposes only. Image from funnyhub.com.
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