Flogging a Dead Horse (or, Not Another List!)
November 8th 2006 03:54
Another Melbourne Cup has come and gone. Another race that stopped the nation, another day of glitz and glamour, another “I-don’t-give-a-damn” holiday for me. (Hey, give me a break. I was studying for my exams.) Previously, I wrote a list on horses to commemorate the Spring Carnival. Now, it seems the time is apt to do another list, this time on the “athletes” of the track: the jockeys. Since time immemorial, jockeys have fired up the imagination of both old and young. OK, maybe not really “fired up the imagination”, but at least they are an inspiration to children everywhere who have given up hope on ever achieving their growth spurts. To honor their achievements (and because I’m too lazy to do a real blog post, AGAIN), here is a list of the most famous jockeys in history. What’s that? You say there aren’t any famous jockeys? That’s bull. Why, off the top of my head, I can mention, um… well, y’know, that guy, and… um, well, that other guy. OK, fine. So jockeys aren’t nearly as popular as horses. Instead, I’ll just do one on “vertically-challenged” persons (VCP). (Incidentally, am I the only one who’s sick and tired of these PC terms?)
1. Mini-Me:
This little man entered the realm of pop culture when he appeared in the second Austin Powers movie. No other VCP has captured the public’s imagination the way he did. I bet in any culture, when you say the name “Mini-me”, people would understand who you’re referring to. The amazing thing was he shot to fame by playing a character who hardly spoke. The only other personalities who managed to do this are Charlie Chaplin, Lon Chaney, and Karl Rove.
2. Gary Coleman: “Watchoo talkin’ about, Willis?” Ah yes, the dual curse of child stardom and one-line catchphrases. (see also: Urkel – “Did I do that?”; George W. – “Uh…”) This led to his eventual fall from grace, but at the peak of his career with Diff’rent Strokes, he must have been swimming in cash. Unfortunately, at present, his catchphrase repertoire is limited to “Would you like fries with that, sir?”
3. The Seven Dwarfs:
Up to now, I have no idea if these dwarfs of Snow White fame were just little people or a different race from humans. In any case, they deserve a spot in this list since no other cartoon characters are brave enough to allude to illegal narcotics. Don’t believe me? OK, there’s “Doc” who is a reference to a doctor or someone who gives drugs. “Dopey”, of course, is the user. When Dopey gets a dose up his nose (oh look, another rhyme), sometimes he gets “Sneezy”. When it finally kicks in, Dopey gets a high and becomes “Happy”. Of course, with all the blood rushing to his face because of elation, he’ll look “Bashful”. When the rush wears of, he’ll feel down and “Sleepy”, and when he finally wakes up from his drug-induced slumber, guess what mood he’ll be in. That’s right, “Grumpy”. Don’t even get me started on “Snow White”. That is just the most thinly-veiled euphemism ever for crack cocaine.
4. Wee-Man: Television viewers with a sophisticated sense of humor (is that an oxymoron?) would recognize him from the equally sophisticated show Jackass. Although not as popular as Chief Jackass Johnny Knoxville or loose cannon Steve-O, Wee-Man (real name: Jason Acuna) probably has a more diverse CV since, aside from being a stuntman, he is also a talented skateboarder. His name can also be used to describe someone with weak bladder control.
5. Oompa Loompas:
Honestly, these guys scare the hell out of me, especially in the original Chocolate Factory movie starring Gene Wilder. The only reason I put them on this list is because they’re so famous and they’ve got a catchy song. But since they really, really creep me out, that’s all I’ll say about them and move on.
6. The Munchkins: There we go, much better and way more harmless than those orange nightmares (see above). The Munchkins, as we all know, live in the wonderful land of Oz (the one with monsters and yellow brick roads, not the one with censors and cancelled Glass Houses). They’ve since contributed their name to Dunkin’ Donuts products, presumably because they’re both small, white, and can be swallowed in one bite. (Hey, look, I made a rhyme.)
7. Randall: He’s the guy from Scrubs with the “powerful tiny fists”. Fine, I’m running out of ideas, OK?
8. Tattoo:
“De plane! De plane!” Yet another catchphrase from a diminutive character. Like Mr. Coleman, the guy who played Tattoo had an “E! True Hollywood Story” life after his fame in Fantasy Island. Tsk tsk, don’t they all?
SPECIAL MENTION: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: I’m Filipino and I just can’t resist taking a swing at her. Clean up your act, “Madame President”! Enough political grandstanding! And you’re short!
So there you have it, a list of famous VCPs in pop culture and entertainment. If you’re wondering why it’s only a top eight list instead of a top ten… well, let’s just say I like to keep it “short”. And the award for the worst pun goes to…
DISCLAIMER: The author does not discriminate against vertically-challenged people nor does he condone mocking their condition. Dwarfism is a medical condition that can be caused by a number of factors, and social prejudice only adds to the problem.
*Images are used for review and commentary purposes only. Mini-Me image from EW.com. All other images from Wikipedia.
1. Mini-Me:
2. Gary Coleman: “Watchoo talkin’ about, Willis?” Ah yes, the dual curse of child stardom and one-line catchphrases. (see also: Urkel – “Did I do that?”; George W. – “Uh…”) This led to his eventual fall from grace, but at the peak of his career with Diff’rent Strokes, he must have been swimming in cash. Unfortunately, at present, his catchphrase repertoire is limited to “Would you like fries with that, sir?”
3. The Seven Dwarfs:
4. Wee-Man: Television viewers with a sophisticated sense of humor (is that an oxymoron?) would recognize him from the equally sophisticated show Jackass. Although not as popular as Chief Jackass Johnny Knoxville or loose cannon Steve-O, Wee-Man (real name: Jason Acuna) probably has a more diverse CV since, aside from being a stuntman, he is also a talented skateboarder. His name can also be used to describe someone with weak bladder control.
5. Oompa Loompas:
They're really scary.
6. The Munchkins: There we go, much better and way more harmless than those orange nightmares (see above). The Munchkins, as we all know, live in the wonderful land of Oz (the one with monsters and yellow brick roads, not the one with censors and cancelled Glass Houses). They’ve since contributed their name to Dunkin’ Donuts products, presumably because they’re both small, white, and can be swallowed in one bite. (Hey, look, I made a rhyme.)
7. Randall: He’s the guy from Scrubs with the “powerful tiny fists”. Fine, I’m running out of ideas, OK?
8. Tattoo:
SPECIAL MENTION: Gloria Macapagal-Arroyo: I’m Filipino and I just can’t resist taking a swing at her. Clean up your act, “Madame President”! Enough political grandstanding! And you’re short!
So there you have it, a list of famous VCPs in pop culture and entertainment. If you’re wondering why it’s only a top eight list instead of a top ten… well, let’s just say I like to keep it “short”. And the award for the worst pun goes to…
DISCLAIMER: The author does not discriminate against vertically-challenged people nor does he condone mocking their condition. Dwarfism is a medical condition that can be caused by a number of factors, and social prejudice only adds to the problem.
*Images are used for review and commentary purposes only. Mini-Me image from EW.com. All other images from Wikipedia.
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Comment by KylieW
Celebrity Obsession
Rove McManus could probably get a gig as well
Comment by Stanley
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Nice reference to Rove. Any idea what his actual height is? I think John Howard's even shorter than him. Way less entertaining, too.
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by Deorre
Stress Alive
Man Lessons
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by Luke
Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by Luke
Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Lilla
Enviro Warrior
An Extra Ordinary Life
Dream Herald
Outrageous!!! *lol*
Worse, Ragin, I can't think of any either....*sharp intake of breath!*
No hang on the servant in Dune... Mape Shedups (sp?) somebody or other...?
Lilla...
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Hey, Lilla. But I DID mention some vertically challenged females in my list -- the female munchkins. You're right, though. Females seem to be underrepresented. Probably the only one I've seen on TV was the one from a CSI episode. So I did a Google search using "famous female midget" as keywords and, lo and behold, it seems there are a lot of fetishists out there. Embarrassing as it is to admit, I'm not really familiar with the Dune universe, so I don't know who you're referring to. I believe you, though. *lol*
Comment by Luke
Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Warwick Davis! He's in everything... Star Wars, Willow, Ewok movies, the new series of Extras, Harry Potter, Hitchhikers...
Also that guy who had his own show in the 80s, 'Wizard'. He was pretty famous for a little while, until he killed himself.
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
I think I know who you're referring to, with the Wizard show. Wasn't he also the guy in that almost-Monty-Python film with the time-traveling ship? Arrgh, I forgot the title of it. He was pretty big (no pun intended) in the UK, right?
Comment by Luke
Book Club
Old Movies
Cane Toad Warrior
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia
Comment by Cibbuano
20/20 Filmsight
Science News
Hunt Famous
Orble Post of the Day
Fat Cult
Techbreak
Comment by Ragin Cajun
Observer's Post
Death By Myopia